Things We Learned From Watching Halloween Movies

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
2. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
3. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone.
4. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
5. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
6. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
7. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
8. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.
9. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle.
10. Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.

11. Don't have sex. Especially if you've noticed a few of your friends are missing!
12. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, don't stand their sighing with relief, GET THE HELL OUT!
13. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.